Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Will you marry me?

That is probably the best question that every women want to hear. Yes, at some point, we women want to settle down, have children and live happily ever after with the man we love or I would call the love of my life :)

But we also made some mistake by marrying someone just because we got pressure from family, friends and society, and also we think that in certain age we are old enough to get marry no matter if we are not ready mentally.

I know this girl for 10 years, and the latest news I heard was that she’s getting married with this man (Mr. A). They have different religion, well some of you might think that it’s not a really big deal and some might say that it is a big deal, especially if your big family is fanatic to one religion.

Well, I will not talk about the different religion here. What really shocked me was the reason behind why she decided to marry him. Actually, she expects the other guy (Mr. B) to marry her but he never pop up that question (yes, she managed to get involve with 2 guys at the same time, don’t ask me how J). As she reach 30 y.o this year, She decided to get married with Mr. A, even though her heart belongs to Mr. B, because Mr. A is the one who pop up the question. She once told me that she wants to have the ideal marriage of same religion under one roof; she doesn’t want to repeat her own experience by came from mix religion in the family. But now, she is willing to sacrifice her own will so that she can marry before 30. She also thinks that she has to get married coz her inner circle has married as well, she doesn't want to feel left behind.

It got me thinking, is that a strong reason to marry someone?

For me, marriage is a big thing, and also a gambling thing. You never know what would happen along the way during the marriage itself. Some people who got married in the name of love can not survive their marriage and divorced.

But my mom meets my dad only 2 months before they got married. Being a good child, my mom accepted what was asked for to do by my grand parents. And my parents live happily ever after, until my dad passed away 12 years ago and my dad was my mom love of her life.

So, is there an exact and strong reason to begin a marriage? So that we can survive our marriage, till death do us part.


Anonymous said...

Your friend is a sure candidate for a divorce. Getting married just " because all my friends are " is really something unbelievable.. Actually this happen not only in Indonesia but everywhere. Social pressures are strong ..Society wants you to get married because , after that , you'll be well ingrained in the mechanism and obedient to its rules because of the duties marriage involve.
My parents got married after only a 3 months engagement , married for love , and their marriage lasted for 37 years , until my father passed away. But marriage is a real gamble..You can win or lose..Sincerely i'd prefer to take the risk of a crash for love , not just because of social pressures.

Anonymous said...

One more thing : why the hell she didn't mention the magic word " marriage " to the man she loves ? Maybe she doesn't love him that much either if she betrayed him with another guy... ;-)

Anonymous said...

There are many, many, uncountable parameters to make a marriage works well, if not best. And most of the time these parameters aren't foreseen prior to the living-under-the-same-roof period and that, the surprises that aren't always nice, are mostly the triggers of any disagreements, arguments, thus, separations.
There has never been any fixed recipe that works for any kind of marriage as every couple brings their own character, different from one to another.
However, whatever consideration taken before getting married, should not stop anyone from deciding to marry someone. As written here, it's just like a gamble, you'll never know what it's there until you really see it. And therefore, I am not against the idea of living together before marriage, NOT for the sex, but at least we get used to the other's habit of daily routines and start living with it, or leaving it without too much hassle.

Unknown said...

Agreed with you for the idea of living together before marriage to really know about our partner's little habits and daily routines that we missed while we're not living together.
I'm scared... ah well, maybe when the time and the person is right i will have courage to enter the new phase of my life :)

Anonymous said...


i'm not trying to be a prude or anything... but i think sometimes things we told our friends aren't entirely true. sometimes we say we don't want to be left behind because we're so freaking scared that if we say 'i just know' it would just make our friends question us more. they'll bombard more questions like "what? are you sure you want to get married this soon? what about your career? what about your ambitions?" et cetera.

so sometimes we just try to shut them up by saying things we don't mean without hurting their feelings.

eh tapi ya, udah begini tetep salah juga secara ujung-ujungnya temen-temen kita yang akan otomatis jadi judgemental. mulai dari yang bilang bakal cepet cerai kalo cepet-cepet kawin lah, yang ngatain gila karena terlalu impulsif lah... macem-macem.

memang serba salah menentukan apa ukuran sebuah 'alasan' ingin menikah. dan rasanya, itu adalah hal yang paling pribadi. your parents have proven that a relationship's short period isn't a guarantee that it's not going to last a lifetime. benar kata orang kalau jodoh itu emang rahasia Tuhan. so be it. there will never be an exact reason to get married.

when you know, you just know :)